LA CROSSE, Wisconsin (WXOW)—Domestic violence is more common than most people think.
One in four women is the victim of domestic violence; and it happens in our own backyard.
Last year, New Horizons Shelter and Outreach Centers served 2-thousand people.
"With victims of domestic violence and sexual assault they don't want to share their story," Ann Kappauf, Executive Director, New Horizons said. "There is embarrassment, fear of escalation, fear of taking children away. So it's a quiet thing that happens and nobody wants to stand up and say I think you're being abused."
"A lot of times co workers, neighbors families, they have a sense," Crystal Jensen, Deputy District Attorney, La Crosse County said.
Domestic Abuse Intervention Services says relationship may be abusive if your partner:
- Feels he/she has the right to dictate your behavior, privileges, or responses and opinions
- Demonstrates ownership of you or extreme possessiveness; says things like "I can't live without you," or "You are my whole world."
- Blames you for her/his problems or behavior
- Isolates you – doesn't allow you to see your family or friends
- Needs to constantly know your whereabouts; expects you to spend all of your free time with him/her
- Humiliates you in public
- Forces you to have sex or perform sexual acts
- Insists on controlling all of the money, both your and his/hers
- Refuses to let you go to work or, at the other extreme, forces you to work
- Has no regard for your physical or mental health
- Criticizes your appearance, weight, clothes, etc.
- Pressures you to live together or get married before you are ready
- Angers easily
- Becomes angry when you have a different opinion than he/she does or don't take his/her advice
- Shows jealousy toward your children, family, friends or job
- Suggests reasons for you to fear ending the relationship
- Dual personality (Jekyll and Hyde), i.e., charming in public, aggressive in private
- Displays violent behavior toward other people
- Disregards the law; feels he/she is above the law
- Doesn't want you to know about his/her past
- Blames all past relationship problems on the ex-partner
- Has a record or history of domestic violence
"It's somebody's mother, sister, somebody's daughter, cousin, if it was your friend, mother, sister, daughter, you'd want that neighbor to call the police for their safety so you should hopefully do the same," Jensen said.
"Just the other day I witnessed a man and a woman yelling at each other and I just stopped and watched. I mean it wasn't anything but it could have been," Kappauf said.
Kappauf said the best thing to do in that situation is to ask them if they're ok and if they want you to call the police.
And Jensen reminds us not everyone will want help right away. She says most people will realize when it's time. If someone comes to you she says just be there, listen and believe them.
If you are in an abusive relationship you can call the New Horizons crisis line at 1888-231-0066, Domestic Abuse Intervention Services 608-251-4445, Mayo Clinic Health System Safe Path at 608-392-7804, Gundersen Lutheran Health System Domestic Abuse Program at 608-775-5950, Bluff Country Women's Resources 507-894-2676, Stepping Stones Children's Advocacy Center 608-791-3882.
